Lonely

It has been a quiet week here in Fort Wayne, my hometown. For my sweet R., has been away in Texas visiting his family.

While R. and I are relatively independent, and by no means one of those couples attached at the hip, we really don't spend that many nights away from one another, and often the one who is gone is usually me. It's lonely in this big rambling house without him, and while I confess there was an excitement at the thought of some truly "alone" time, time when I could do all those things which R. doesn't like...wild and crazy things like ordering out chinese food, and burning incense (to which R. is allergic), and letting the cats sleep in bed right next to my head (another allergy no-no), and loading the dishwasher the way I want to (and the way God intended), and letting the dachshund squeak her Ellie the Elephant squeaky for as many hours as she would like, and, well, I guess that's as wild and crazy as I get, for I can't think of any taboo things I would need to do without R. here, the luxury of all that "me time" was short-lived.

Mostly it's just been quiet. There have been a few catastrophes, of course, there was the afternoon when the temperature dropped to below 30 degrees, and I realized the heat wasn't working, and had to take the girls to their mother's house to spend the night while I packed up the dog and my toothbrush and drove north to my parent's house to sleep on their couch. And, there was, of course the multiple vomiting incidences but those have become par for the course in my world.

Now it's Sunday afternoon, and the evening is slowly crawling upon us, and at 9:15 I get to drive out to Fort Wayne International Airport and see my sweet love, the weary traveler make his way back to a wife who loves him, and who realizes how lonely life is without her anam cara.

Lies, All Lies

Dear Readers,

The day will come when I am actually a consistent and contemplative writer again. I will pause thoughtfully before typing the first thought that comes in my head. I will write enlightening stories about the human spirit and the ways in which the divine and profane intersect in poignant exchanges. I will try to be worthy of my ordination. I will actually meditate.

But in the meantime...

That brief nausea reprieve mentioned in the last entry was just that. A brief reprieve. Damn you, morning sickness. Damn you.

All the pregnancy books say (and I quote from this morning's peppy advice in my daily pregnancy book), "Right around this week, your pregnancy sumptoms might have spontaneously disappeared. This typically--and thankfully for mothers who have experienced extreme morning sickness--happens at the end of the first trimester. For approximately the next three months, you should be feeling wonderful!" The operative word in the previous passage was the word might. And that jaunty exclamation point simply mocks me, me the woman who can now simultaneously vomit in a bag and drive.

So, now you all know why I'm not typing. And there's so much to say...the tale of the missing diamond ring, the madcap adventures of R. and I in Ann Arbor (a.k.a Nerds in Paradise), what it means to sleep with the enemy (and I don't mean R.), the three hour visit to the OB-GYN, the outcome of the Nutcracker auditions, choosing God-parents, new family traditions. Sigh. So much to say, but now I have to go throw up again. So, you'll just have to wait in breathless anticipation.

I'll be back soon.

Love,
The Contemplative Chaplain