A fight with the insurance company

This is a not so contemplative post...R and I have been fighting with our health insurance about covering a claim. I had a little fun with the form letters that we sent (yet again) and thought I'd share the joy. My fear, however, is that I'll have some imbecile read the claim and think that I mean it...enjoy.

June 13, 2005


To Whom it May Concern,

In regard to Claim Number: XXXXXXXX in Patient Account: XXXXXXXX. Here is the information requested on the claim form for the events which led to my Emergency Room visit on 5/11/05.

In regard to subrogation:

• Where did the accident occur? It was not technically an “accident” it was, rather a cat bite which occurred in our home, by our own cat (who had a broken leg and was being transported to the vet. The cat is a calm, tame, rather portly cat [topping the scales at a whopping 21 lbs.], but was in tremendous pain at the time and responded as animals [and some humans] do when in pain).

• Who was involved? Me, Christen, and the cat, Cooper.

• Who are the insurance carriers? Our insurance. That would be: ______ College, Group No: XXX, Division: XXX. (The cat has no insurance, obviously, as he is a cat).

• Were the police involved? Heavens, no.

• Do you or anyone involved have an attorney? I do not. I assume the cat does not as well, as he does not has opposable thumbs, and thus would not have been able to pick up a telephone and contact an attorney. However, cats are wily creatures and he has been looking at me strangely, of late.

I hope this clears up this unfortunate incident. Incidentally, both the cat and I are healing quite well, thank you.

Yours truly,
The Contemplative Chaplain